The Blues…

As I walk into 2018, single, I’m questioning myself. Once again, I’m coming out of a relationship where I put too much in, and he didn’t put out enough. And I honestly cannot figure out why I keep having this same issue. Especially because in the beginning of this last one, he put in 100% more effort than what I did from the start. Somewhere, somehow, the tables turned. And I stayed, believing that they would turn back. But, I was wrong….

One thing that I definitely believe to be true is that being with me requires way more work than men are willing to put in. What exactly does that mean? Did you read my perfectionist blog? Once I reach a level of whatever it is I am going after, I want the next best thing. This doesn’t exclude my relationships. There should always be a goal to reach. We date, we become serious, we put a title on it, we fall in love, get married, move in, have kids, build businesses, accumulate wealth, etc. Maybe not exactly in that order, but you get the point. I feel like my ex got to the “fall in Love” stage and just quit. He was content with staying right there, and I was ready to move forward. I think most men are like that. Once they KNOW their woman is crazy about them, it’s like they think they don’t have to put in as much (or any) effort anymore. Sir- I still want to smile, I still want my heart to skip a beat when you call me, I still want to daydream about you while I’m at work. I don’t want to argue. All of my exes did that; once they got to a point where it became a requirement that they put in additional work to maintain our relationship, they just stopped. And it’s funny, because if I (the female) decided to stop putting in effort to make the relationship work, then I’m cheating, I’m seeing someone else, I don’t love you anymore. Any situation in which 2 people are involved requires a 2-pronged effort my man. That’s just the way it goes.

I definitely think that I am to blame for yet another failed relationship. I didn’t listen. I wanted what I wanted and I forced him to want the same. I can admit that. But, I can also place blame on him. Because if you know that something isn’t for you, walk away. If you know that your woman needs certain things, provide. If your woman keeps complaining about the same thing over and over again, do something about it. Because once we STOP complaining, you probably don’t have a woman anymore. As a female (being completely transparent here) no matter how strong, resilient, tough, nonchalant, or indifferent you are, break ups still rip a piece out of your heart, even if only a small part. It still causes you to have a small twinge of insecurity. It still leaves you feeling just a little bit empty. And those are the pieces that you have to pick up and put back together. Whether big or small, whether lasting 1 day or several months, it’s still there. I went to sleep on January 1, 2018 feeling alone and empty, even though I had a house full of people. But, se la vie (this is life).

I’m off, to figure out how to start putting my pieces back together. Tootles!


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