21st Century Dating

Remember back in elementary school, when you liked someone you would write them a note that said “will you go out with me?” with the yes, no, and maybe box? Or in high school, having butterflies in your stomach waiting for the boy you really like (or the girl you really wanted to go out with) to ask you to prom, or on a date, or to sit with them during lunch? Now, we’re checking our inboxes and our DM’s to see if someone left you a message asking you out. Has social media changed the way males and females approach dating?

I am super old-school when it comes to dating. I believe that the man asks the female- approaches us, asks us out, takes us on a date, maybe even leans in for a kiss before we depart. But I am having such a hard time adjusting to the way dating has evolved. I am selective in what I post on my social media, so someone approaching me in my DM based on what my pictures are is a little odd to me. In an era where social media dictates popularity and social status, and people “fake and fraud” for the gram every day, how can you determine who is worth shooting your shot to?

I have had several friends/associates tell me that their “new boo” was someone who hit them up on Instagram or Facebook, even Twitter. They liked their pictures, thought their posts were funny or insightful, and decided to go for it. Only to find out a month later that the person was a douche-bag and not worth their time. I am not surprised by that. Is it really that difficult to log off of social media and to go out into the world and meet people? Mingle? I’m not sure that I would be comfortable dating someone who hit my DM after seeing the few selective pieces of my life that I decided to post. I mean, come on- I could be crazy, bipolar, or a sexual predator for goodness sakes! (Yes, I know that no matter where you meet someone this is still a possibility, but let me be paranoid about social media please). And when has going over to someone’s house to watch movies and try to have sex with them become what a date is? Or spending an insane amount of money at a restaurant on some you just met just to prove that you are “getting money”? Why has social media changed the way we socialize on such a wide scale? Phone calls turned into texting; dating turned into casual sex; wanting to get married is now replaced with living with each other forever.

The introduction of social media was a great platform it helped connect people from across different states and countries, putting them all in one “place” and allowing them to share, connect, and exchange ideas/information. Now, it’s a dating site. A place where people use filters, quotes, angles, and modifications to portray a completely different version of themselves, in hopes of finding someone who will dote attention on them. I have not had a successful “social media hook up”. I always become disinterested in the shallowness of the men. *Disclaimer: although I can easily blame men for this sudden shift in the dating norm, the truth is that I need to blame/address the women. A multitude of women are accepting social media to be a platform where they can and will “find love”. And because of this, are allowing men to approach them in this manner, talk to them in a less than respectable manner, handle them in a less than respectable manner, then dispose of them in a less than respectable manner. If you approach me because my pictures are beautiful, my clothes are revealing, and my body is on display, then you will treat me as a beautiful object- to be displayed, used, then discarded. And it seems that the more value these women put into their social media presence, the less value they actually have in themselves. The less value they have in themselves, the less value they allow the men who approach them to have in them as well. So this amazing platform that was supposed to bring this huge world together and make it somewhat smaller by bridging it together, has only enabled people’s self-worth to be determined by likes. Despite what many women believe, we are the key holders to what is set in the dating world. If we as a whole allow less than par dating antics, then that is what will be widely accepted. If we as a whole demand a certain level of respect, then that is what will be widely accepted. We need to do better Queens!*

I am an amazingly complex introvert, and I am extremely socially akward. I do not post the actual “me” on social media, so approaching me based on what you see is only going to leave you disappointed. Meet me in person. Let’s grab tea (because it’s supposed to be getting cold outside). Let’s go on a picnic, and just talk. I promise you this would lead to an amazing and lasting friendship.

Be amazing Queens; be legendary King.



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