Parenting For Beginners

For the past 5 years, I have tried to be as transparent as possible with my experiences on parenting and dealing with abuse. The problem (that I’ve encountered) is that people normally tell you the good and pretty side of parenting, which leaves you totally unprepared and unequipped to actually be a parent. Let’s break down some parenting truths. New moms and soon-to-be-moms, this is for you!

I have 2 children- a boy and a girl. My oldest is 6.5 and my youngest is 5.5. I haven’t been a parent for very long, but I’ve been a parent long enough to be able to give out some sound avice. I wish someone told me this when I was starting out- it would’ve saved me from a lot of headaches….

  1. Girls are EXTREMELY sassy! I don’t care how well you raise them, they talk back. They have attitudes. They think they know everything. And they don’t listen. Some start young, some start older- but they ALL get sassy. The trick is establishing dominence. If they know early on who the boss is, you can control the amount of behaviors that come out of them. But be warned- they attack the worst when they first wake up (if YOU disrupt their sleep), when they are hungry, when they are tired, and when they don’t get their way. And do not, I repeat DO NOT!!!!, interfere with the relationship that they have with their father! Dads do no wrong, just accept that fact and you’ll be fine.
  2. Boys are walking trash cans. They eat eveything. All the time. Every day. With no regard for anyone else. When my son was 2 years old he ate my entire snack cabinet in 1 day. I learned very quickly that I would have to keep that thing stocked regularly if I wanted to keep the peace with him. The older he aged, the more he ate. Just last night he sat at the kitchen table and ate 5 mangos, a plate of rice and chicken, and asked for a snack less than 30 minutes later. I told my mom that he needs to get a job because I cannot afford to keep feeding him.
  3. Kids are dirty. There is something in their brain that doesn’t process properly when it comes time to clean. No amount of training, praising, incentives, or threats will be effective enough to ensure that they clean. Because the SECOND you give them leniency they will destroy your house without a second thought and walk away like it’s nothing. My toilet seats are riddled with pee stains, my carpets have every type of bacterial stain imaginable, my bathroom sinks are covered in toothpaste stains… The list can go on. And they see absolutely nothing wrong because they can still use everything as is so “it’s not that bad”.
  4. Once they get old enough to sleep on their own, KICK THEM OUT OF THE BED! For several reasons. They become trained karate assassins while they sleep. They punch, kick, jab, karate chop, body slam, and choke hold you in their sleep. I am not quite sure how they learn these mysterious moves but it is detrimental to your health to sleep with children! If they are being potty trained, you will wake up in pee. No ands, ifs, or buts about it. Unless you have plastic on your mattress or unlimited sheets to change daily, it’s just not worth it. You can’t sleep naked. I’ve tried it- remember I mentioned the karate skills they acquire while sleeping? I’ve had some…. unpleasant kicks in some unpleasant areas while I was sleeping. I think one of my boobs stopped growing because of it. And finally- they eventually steal your bed. At around age 3ish they start to claim your bed as their own if you don’t kick them out soon enough. Then you have to take them to court to try to evict them and it becomes expensive and time consuming. Take my word for it- the sooner you kick them out the better!
  5. YOU WILL NOT WIN EVERY ARGUMENT!!! I had to capitalize that so that you could understand how much emotion I put into that sentence. I grew up in a very traditional Haitian household where I was always wrong. I learned very quickly when I became a parent that I was right (a LOT) when I was younger and my parents didn’t want to admit it! Lol! My children are extremely smart and I hate it sometimes! Especially when I’m trying to get them to do something and their reasoning as to why they shouldn’t have to is extremely logical. There are times when I just walk away from them because I do not have a rebuttal for the argument so I just give up (and it’s usually my daughter who is Ms. Smart-Ass-Logic that gets me to back down). Be warned and be prepared.
  6. Kids have a LOT of energy! And I mean a lot. My son wakes up on 1,000% of energy every single day. My daughter takes about an hour but she gets to 1,000% soon after. And they stay there, on that level, until they go to sleep. And they will NOT say that they are tired! You’ll just look up and one of them is snoring somewhere. So make sure to keep them entertained. Have acitivites planned, go for walks, get them a dog to play with (because cats don’t care about you until they’re hungry), and buy them an iPad because if not they will write on your walls, pour bleach on your carpet, find experiments to do in your kitchen, cut their hair because they see daddy do it in the bathroom, etc. Save yourself the headache and just plan ahead and accordingly.
  7. Kids are freaking expensive!!!! Not because you have to constantly buy them shoes and clothes to keep up with their extraterrestrial growth spurts, but because they want everything they see! We can literally just finish eating breakfast, get into the car to go somewhere and they see a Dunkin Donuts and all of a sudden they are hungry and their stomach hurts from the hunger pains. Or they are watching a commercial on Nick Jr and now they want whatever they just saw. Or at the age of 6, during a quarentine where they can’t leave the house and schools are closed until God knows when, they decide that they need a cell phone because what if they go outside and something happens to them and they can’t reach me to let me know…. Where the eff are you going outside at?!
  8. The BIGGEST truth that seasoned parents hide from us? If you have more than 1 child, your house immediately turns into a WWE wrestling house that never shuts down until they are alseep. It’s to the point where if I don’t hear anyone crying I don’t even worry about them. I was with my mom and my daughter fell going up the stairs. My mom panicked and jumped and I immediately stopped her and told her to wait. My daughter shook it off and kept it moving. I told her “mom- if you don’t hear a cry or scream, DO NOT ENGAGE! You will only force them to fake an illess and now the whole night is ruined!” She laughed, but I was super serious. Kids fight ROUGH! They punch, kick, slam, throw each other, call each other names… I was worried about my kids being bullied in school but they bully each other so I know for a fact that they have tough skin. Thumps through the wall, loud bangs, crashes, and things breaking are a normal part of daily life. As long as no one is hurt and what’s broken wasn’t expensive, I’ve learned to just ignore it and keep on with my day.

Parenting is an experience. It can be the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to you, simultaneously. I used to say that I wanted another child because I love children, but yeah….. I’m done having kids. The way my blood pressure and nerves are set up, these 2 are enough. They give me a run for ALL of my money, and they’ll more than likley kill me sooner than I anticipate dying. But I wouldn’t imagine living my life without them.

Do you have parenting questions? Shoot me a message or an email and I promise to keep it real with you! Lol.

As always, be legendary KINGS, be extraordinary QUEENS!

-tootles!

xoxo

Published by balancinglifeandkids

Mother. Lover. Domestic Abuse Survivor. Entrepreneur.

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