I’ve been around long enough to know that how we talk to our spouse makes a huge impact on how the relationship goes. The more we speak life into our partner, the better the communication. The more we talk down to our partner, the harder it is to talk to one another about stuff. I’ve learned this the extremely hard way and made the promise that I wouldn’t fall into that pattern again.
My last partner used to call me fat, ugly, stupid, worthless, and a bad mother; this made it extremely hard to see a beautiful young lady when I looked in the mirror. It killed my self-esteem, and it killed our relationship. The amount of therapy that I needed afterward proved to me that how we talk to one another is extremely important. I made the decision to never allow anyone else to talk to me like that. And in return, I do not talk to others this way, including my children. Simple phrases like “you are your father’s child!” or “you remind me of your dad” hold more weight to a child than we know. Even in anger, I never talk negatively to my children. And neither do I to my partner.
In a relationship, your partner becomes your best friend. They learn you inside and out and know what buttons to push. This should NOT be the weapons they use during an argument. I can proudly say that in my most current situation, I do not argue with my partner. Well, he doesn’t argue back. Lol. He simply lets me get my anger and frustrations out, then we figure out a solution to the problem. When he does get angry with me to the point that he can’t talk, he calms down, then we address the problem. We do not say mean and hurtful things to one another- things that we cannot take back once the dust has settled. But it’s so much more than how we talk to our partners and children.
Have you ever walked down the street and simply said “good morning” to someone? The look of bewilderment that they give you is shocking. People don’t remember what being kind to one another is anymore. My neighbor shovels my snow every time it snows. He puts away my trashcan after trash has passed by. He speaks every single time he sees me. And all he asks in return is a simple conversation and a “thank you”. That is kindness. And it is so rare to come by. I tell him how much I appreciate him regularly. But he does the same for our other neighbors and they don’t even look in his direction, let alone say hello. When I call 800 numbers, I ask the customer support agent “how are you today?” and wait for an answer. One time, the agent told me “I’ve never had someone genuinely ask me how my day was when they called in; thank you”. We’ve lost our ability to be kind to one another and say kind things to each other.
Words have always had a major impact on people. When I was younger, I remember singing “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me”. This is so far from the truth and I wish that I could warn my younger self about that. Too often, we hurl out hurtful and insulting words to one another, then try to cover it up with an “I’m sorry” or “I was just angry and didn’t mean it” all the while the person on the receiving end of the insults has to pick up the pieces of their hurt. I am constantly redirecting everyone around me with how we speak to each other. I like to think that I can make a difference, even if only in my small circle. Because whether we like to admit it or not, words hold more weight than sticks and stones. Those wounds last a lot longer and can cause a ripple effect. If we make more of an effort to use words filled with honey rather than vinegar, how much happier and closer would we be to the people around us?
As always, be legendary KINGS; be extraordinary QUEENS!