There are many things that I can share with my girlfriends and not think a thing about it. I can share my food with them, my drinks, my clothes, shoot I can even let them borrow my bundles if they need it! But one thing we will not share is my man. He’s off-limits, always and forever. BUT!! Is there ever a time where he isn’t?
I read a post on social media that explained that 2 girlfriends had a dilemma- friend A dated a guy several years back, but decided that it wasn’t going to work out because he was “too nice”. Friend B kept in friendly contact with him over the years, and the guy eventually asked friend B out and she accepted. Friend B then went to friend A and said that she liked the guy, and would friend A be ok with them dating. Friend A said absolutely not. What would you say?
When does “dating” take a guy off-limits? Is it immediately when you start talking to a guy that no one in your crew can talk to him? Is it if you guys have had sex? Is it if you were in a relationship with him? This is a tricky situation because as friends, do we honestly ever sit down with our girlfriends and establish these boundary lines? I have girlfriends who won’t even look twice at a guy that their friend dated, and I have friends who think it’s ok if one of us has never had sex with the guy, and the lines fall somewhere in between. So the question then becomes- can you really be mad at a friend that dates one of your exes or flings if you’ve never really discussed and established what is off-limits and what is not? Because like common sense, friendship-ex-dating lines aren’t commonly known. If I dated a guy 10 years ago while I was in college and I never slept with him, is it right for me to stop a girlfriend of mine from dating him? What if he is her soulmate and I am standing in the way of it? Me personally, I don’t even look at the guys my friends’ date. They’re lucky if I even remember their names (no offense to the guy and no shade to my friends dating them, but y’all ain’t married so he can easily be replaced. Imagine me remembering every single guy one of my friends dated. I can barely remember my husband’s name! Lol!) I’m just kidding boo, you know I know your name. Sometimes. Haha! I’ve put my foot in my own mouth enough times to refer to everyone’s current dating partner as “your boo”. On top of that, when I was still dating, a screenshot of the guy went into our group chat followed by “does anyone know this one?” Lol. I can’t cross any boundaries if I ask questions from the beginning. Maybe if more friends practiced that method, less would fall out over a guy that’s being double-dipped.
Do I personally have dating partners who are off-limits? Listen- if you wanna take your chances with my ex-husband/baby daddy, go for it. I need SOMEONE to make him happy so he can leave me the hell alone. But, I will forewarn you, his ass is crazy. My ex-fiance, you can have him. He’s currently in South Carolina and he’s still working as a barber. The sex was great. My first year of college boo was a wishy-washy user with great head and a huge peen. If you can get him to be consistent, go for it sis. My high school prom date is married- approach at your own risk. My point is, I’m personally not blocking any blessings. BUT!, if you know what he put me through and you still want him, whatever happens during that dating period is your own fault cuz you knew better. I myself have no desire to double-dip with any man that has had even a lengthy phone conversation with one of my girls. But my guy- my cuddle buddy? My peace when I wanna strangle someone? My kids step-dad? My sugar daddy, honey bear? Yeah- he’s off-limits. That one, I take super personal and I’m falling out with my own momma for him. I’m just saying. Even if (God forbid) we ever break up- because the bond there is super different. But again- can I fault someone for crossing a boundary that I never previously established? Because sisters sleep with husbands, moms sleep with boyfriends, and no one thinks that there is a line that is being crossed. Yes- we SHOULD know what is acceptable and what is not, but the truth is that many people do not. Let this here be me staking my claim: MY HUSBAND IS OFF LIMITS! Everyone else is up for grabs, take that headache if you want to sis. Will I look at you differently? I probably will never allow you close to my partner again, but that’s a choice that you’re choosing to live with. No game nights, no girls nights, no family dinners, nothing. Stay your ass home babe cuz if I catch you glancing in this man’s direction the plates will start flying. We can do lunch next week though.
Talk about the girl codes ladies. Once those lines are crossed, you can never go back.
As always, be legendary KINGS; be extraordinary QUEENS!