I’m not sure how many of my blogs you’ve read or if you’ve been following me on social media but if you have you know that I’ve been going through the wringer with the father of my children. All I’ll say about that is that my kids have always and will always come first!!
What I want to talk about is making it through a really rough patch. For several weeks, I battled with depression. Ok- more like a couple of months. It started off with just a bad day here and a bad day there, but the more the problems and stress continued the more depressed I became. I was constantly tired; I stopped having the motivation to do anything, including work; my patience was very thin with my children; I didn’t want to be bothered with people so I stayed home all the time. I woke up one day and said: “God, I am depressed and I don’t want to be but I don’t know how to pull myself out of this”. The depression got worse, and I didn’t know how to shake it off. I signed up for domestic abuse counseling and the counselor referred me to a therapist for depression. I just didn’t know what to do or how to get better. It got to the point where I was home one weekend alone and I cried. The whole weekend. To every movie, to every song, to every commercial. I just cried. I didn’t answer my phone, I didn’t eat. I just slept and cried. Finally, I told my mom and my closest friends that I was depressed, but this was after typing and erasing the message a million times (just imagine the text stories that type a message then erase it then type another one then erase it- that was me. Lol). I thought that they wouldn’t care about MY problems, MY issues, MY depression. I begged God to help me pull myself out of this because I knew that the longer I stayed depressed the harder it would be to come out of it.
My mother was in town; she called me up the day after I told her that I was depressed and told me that she wanted to pray with me. I’m not sure why, but I smiled. She came over, and as she started to pray I cried. But this time it was because I was releasing everything that I had been holding on to. The hurt, the disappointment, the fear, the anxiety, the feeling of helplessness. I was letting it all go, and I could hear God telling me that I was going to be ok. Immediately after we were done, I didn’t have that dark cloud over me anyone. I wasn’t tired; I didn’t want to shut myself off from the world. I was back.
My take away- never give up. I’m not sure anyone else would have been able to deal with the amount of stress that I was dealing with and last as long as I did without going crazy (not saying it’s impossible, but it was A LOT!). This taught me just how real depression is, and how quickly you can fall into it. Especially if you don’t know the signs and symptoms. I knew I was depressed and could not fight my way out of it, and I think that I am a pretty strong person emotionally. So I can only imagine how hard it is for someone who isn’t aware of the signs. *Please be mindful that there is situational depression and clinical depression. Depression brought on from a situation/stressful issue can be just as dangerous as clinical depression. If you think you might be depressed, please call the depression hotline or reach out to someone. The world needs you, and so do the people around you*
Life is hard; people and situations can make it even harder. Dealing with it on your own and not being aware of your mental health can cause you physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual problems. But you are not alone! (cue Micheal Jackson song) There are people who have been exactly where you are, have dealt with your pain and struggles (I’m talking to myself too here), and can help you. Talking does help (again, I am talking to myself here), and people do actually care. People love to say “I was born alone and I’ll die alone” but that saying doesn’t hold any truth. You were born with your mom, the doctors, the nurse(s), and whomever else was in the room at the time. We came into this world with people, we live in a world full of people, and we can make it through every tough situation with someone. Just don’t be afraid to ask. I fought for months with my depression and I kept sinking. It’s not easy to come out of alone, but the minute I said I couldn’t do it on my own and I spoke up God sent his word through people and prayer to break up that dark cloud and allow me to see the sun again. Please don’t fight that battle alone, and don’t give up!
Be legendary KINGS; be extraordinary QUEENS!