Being a new parent, I consciously make the choice daily to not raise my children the way that people and society tell me I should. I am raising a young man and a young lady. I teach my daughter that she can do whatever, play with whatever, and be whatever she wants. I have a princess tomboy and I encourage her to be her own unique self. I have a rough cry baby for a son and I encourage him to be himself. So why do people keep telling my son how to act?
We have gone from generation to generation teaching our sons that they should not cry, they should not show any emotion, and that they should keep everything bottled up inside. What good has that gotten them? We have grown men walking around unable to express emotions, unable to deal/cope with stressful situations, and addicted to drugs or alcohol or sex as a way to manage their emotions. But we are still teaching our sons that they shouldn’t talk about and find HEALTHY solutions to their problems. Not on this side! I tell my son to use his words. Tell mommy what the issue is so that we can find a solution. Cry when you are frustrated or scared or angry, and wrap that up and figure a way out. Everything that I teach my daughter, I teach my son. I refuse to raise an emotionally crippled member of society because society thinks it’s too “feminine” for a man to express himself. Don’t get me wrong- my son is a cry baby. He cries about everything. And it frustrates me. You say no- he cries; you tell him it’s bedtime- he cries; you tell him it’s time for school- he cries (in hindsight, it’s actually really funny). But for me, that’s ok. He’s expressing to me that he’s not happy about something. When he cries, I prompt him to use his words and tell me what is wrong. I am teaching him to deal with the emotion, get it out, then find a solution for it. Just like a normal person should!
Men (and boys) are not pussies because they cry. Men (and boys) should be able to open up and share how they feel about situations. Men (and boys) should be able to be comfortable doing anything they want to do without being judged by anyone. My son plays with blocks and cars and balls and rocks, but he also plays with his sisters toys. That doesn’t make him less of a boy (especially because he’s always ripping her toys apart. Lol!). My son still sucks 2 of his fingers. That doesn’t make him less of a boy. My son likes to play in my hair, and rub soft fabrics between his fingers. That doesn’t make him less of a boy. I am tired of other people telling my son to stop sucking his fingers, or to stop crying, or to stop touching fabrics. Especially grown men who are emotionally crippled and don’t know how to express themselves. My son can tell you EXACTLY what is wrong with him, and if you guide him with questions, he can also tell you how to fix the situation. I know grown men, age 30+, who cannot do that. I think I am doing a damn good job.
If I could have one super power, it would be to heal people’s emotional instabilities. Being unable to process and work through unresolved emotional issues has caused more damage to self and others in more generations than we admit to. I’m ready to bet my future business success on the fact that every man reading this post right now has an unresolved emotional issue that they have not been able to work through because they don’t want to seem “weak” or “feminine” by other men. And women. To be honest, I believe that now more women are hanging these unrealistic emotional expectations over their male counterparts heads and causing more crippling emotional instability. At this point in my life, all of the men that I am associated with are encouraged by me to express how they feel about situations (both good and bad). And yes- it is frustrating trying to pry that door open that has been ingrained in them to remain closed. Building trust and understanding with these men that I love, and establishing a healthy rapport that will allow that release, is a LOT of work. But for the men that trust me enough to open that door, the progress is phenomenal. I am by no means a fixer; but if I love you, I want you to be healthy. The same exact way that I want my son to be healthy. If you need to cry, let’s cry together. Let’s deal with this together. Then, let’s figure out a solution (if there is one) together.
Men- YOU ARE NOT WEAK IF YOU SHOW YOUR EMOTIONS! And real women will love you more because you are able to express those emotions. I don’t know about other women, but I want a healthy relationship and a healthy marriage. And the only way to have that is if we are both healthy- emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Let’s make this work King.
Be legendary Kings; be extraordinary Queens!