Living In A Fairytale

Every little girl growing up hears and reads tons of fairytale stories where in the end, the prince gets the princess and they live happily ever after. Young ladies (untainted by the world) grow up believing that they’ll find their prince charming. I never had that belief. I don’t remember being read fairy tales, and I certainly didn’t grow up believing in finding my prince charming. As I grew up, I always thought that love, happy endings, and happy marriages were something that only white people had, and rich black people who were on tv. I wasn’t going to find it, so it wasn’t on my list of things to accomplish in life.

I grew up watching the people closest to me have failed marriages and relationships, so I wasn’t interested in going down that path. School, working, figuring out life- those were on my lists of things to accomplish. I graduated school, started college, and met the first person that I really fell for. And I was the “other woman”. His home life wasn’t good, and like I said- I wasn’t interested in being serious because I didn’t expect a marriage. So I kept it casual, but he fell for me. Then, I fell back (all while STILL being the other woman). The funny things is, as I think about it, that was probably the best relationship I’ve been in. Crazy, right? He wanted to be serious, left his home to be with me, moved to Philadelphia with me. Proposed. And all this time, I still didn’t think that it would amount to anything more than what it was, BUT I grew into the relationship and fell in love with him. He left, went back to his children’s mother, and left me alone. Not surprising. Then I met my children’s father. He- something about him- that’s the one I started to believe in the fairy tale with. The family, the kids, the house, the white picket fence. That became a possibility with him. Even more so when I became pregnant with our first child. But, I wasn’t happy. I kept trying to make it a happy home because I had the family I wanted, but I couldn’t make it work. That family broke apart, and it broke me. This made 2 relationships, serious relationships, that failed. I was starting to not believe in those fairy tales again.

Then, I met the cop. And he was totally different from the last 2. He just, stood out. This time, I wasn’t the other woman. This time, I was actually happy. This time, I didn’t see it coming and it felt amazing. But, life always throws curve balls at you. And this fairy tale that I had created in my mind since my ex and tried to hold on to still wasn’t becoming a reality for me. Then, one day I woke up and realized that fairy tales aren’t for me. They never were. That prince-charming-saves-the-princess-lives-forever-happy-ending doesn’t pertain to me. And it probably never will. And all of these unrealistic expectations that I had needed to be adjusted to fit me and my life. Realistically, love doesn’t pay the bills. Or help raise my kids. Or help build and grow my business. Even in the bible it says that marriage isn’t for everyone. So, I think that waking up from my fairytale dream would be beneficial for me. Be real with myself about my expectations, and focus on the kids, my businesses, and continuing my education. If God decides that one day, someday, down the line, he actually has a prince charming lined up for me, I hope that he has the patience to get past my walls.

My truths; my fears; my realities…

Be legendary Kings, be exceptional Queens!

tootles…..

-xoxo

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