I was having a conversation with someone close to me (actually, we were arguing about this topic) and they were saying that they weren’t sure about the future so how could they be sure that they wanted to be married to someone? It sparked a very interesting conversation.
I believe that people tend to over think marriages, making them harder than they need to be. Marriage is all about choosing the person you married over and over again. Divorce happens when people don’t talk about the major issues BEFORE getting married; issues like finances (who pays what bills, and saving), raising children, marriage roles, what happens if someone cheats, in-laws, even date nights, AND how to keep the intimacy flowing before and after children are involved. When these situations arise, neither party is prepared for the drastic changes that they cause, and one person ends up feeling slighted. Once that initial slight is felt, and left unresolved, everything else falls downhill. This 2-person commitment, just became a 1-person pity party. Arguments start, both people become petty, and no one is talking about the problem or how to fix it. This is how a marriage ends in divorce.
But staying married means that even when those things happen, you make the choice to stay with your spouse. Finances get screwed, choose to stay. Baby takes away her sex drive, choose to stay. Your job takes you away from home, choose to stay. Being married is a choice- you are choosing to sacrifice for the greater good. It’s easy to be selfish- wanting the things that you want, despite how it may impact the other person. It’s human nature to look out for yourself first. But in a marriage, there is no I (I’m not talking about the spelling here people!). We walked down the aisle, we said vows before God and other witnesses, we signed the marriage certificate, we chose to spend the rest of our lives with each other. The beginning stages of the marriage was made together, so why are decisions down the line being made alone?
Communication is one of the most important parts of being married. Without talking to your spouse, about EVERYTHING, you’re allowing the opportunity for small issues like who’s paying the cable bill this month turn into the cable being cut off, to irresponsibly handling money, to opening up separate bank accounts, to hiding money, etc. One small move or mistake can lead to a huge consequence- all because the talking part of the relationship died down. Communication keeps intimacy high. Communication helps resolve issues. Communication helps the other person know when you’ve done something to make them feel slighted. Communication allows growth and togetherness. But- you have to choose to do this. It’s a choice that is made between both parties that helps to keep the marriage afloat.
I know that whoever gets to marry me is going to be in for the ride of their life! I am probably pretty annoying as a mate, but I am even more so appreciative, respectful, encouraging, loving, and catering to my significant other. If I make the initial choice to choose you to be my husband, then I promise to choose you every single day for the rest of my life. No matter how stinky your feet are. Lol!
Be mighty King, be purposeful Queen