Single Mom Struggles

As a woman who is not living with a man, and has 2 toddlers, figuring out how to do things around the house can sometimes get….. creative. Let me explain….

Since I am living alone, I have to do all of the heavy manly stuff on my own. Moving furniture, hanging stuff up, fixing things- it all falls on me. My uncle and I brought ALL of my furniture into my house. I mean all of it💪🏾. The dressers, the beds, the heavy bags of clothes… that was me. After we were done, I don’t think I was able to move for 2 days. I hung up all my mirrors, curtains, and put my shoe racks together. I bring in all my groceries. And put them away. That annoys me 🙄. I pump my own gas, put air in my tires, check and fill my oil, replenish power steering fluids, I check my transmission fluids, and I still have a smile on my face at the end of the day 😬. What I hate the most about being single? Moving 😐.

I don’t think people realize how much crap you have until it’s time to move. The amount of shoes and clothes between 1 adult and 2 toddlers is ridiculous. Why little people have so much stuff is beyond me 🤦🏾‍♀️. Boxing everything, keeping certain things together and labeling everything, and actually MOVING this stuff. It’s just way too much. Then, to unpack everything and put them away 😩. And no one wants to help. My kids only make the mess worse, my friends always seem to have an excuse to be busy, and I wasn’t dating anyone at the time so…… I was not happy. And it took me forever! I literally was unpacking for almost 5 whole months😳! And now I have to do it all over again because I plan on purchasing a house within a few months😒. This is not how I planned my life.

You know what else sucks about being a single mom? Cleaning. When am I supposed to find the time to keep my house clean🤷🏽‍♀️? I wake up in the morning and get myself and the kids ready for the day- clothes, breakfast, out the door. Go to work, do work stuff. Pick the kids back up, come home. Make dinner, keep the kids from killing themselves, do homework, bath time, story time, prayers, and bed. Do you know what I want to do after all of that? Sleep. With dishes in the sink. With toys all over my floor. With laundry undone. Sometimes my hair isn’t even combed🤦🏾‍♀️. And I’m going back to school, so someway somehow I need to incorporate class and homework into that schedule. If and when you come over, just step over the clothes and toys and keep it moving. Thanks.

I am one of the most kindhearted, semi-patient, awesome people you will meet. And I’m a mom. So that makes me stronger than a lot of men. (I have the scars to prove it😌). If you want to incorporate yourself into this lifestyle of mine, be warned- I don’t always comb my hair, my house isn’t always clean, my laundry pile is huge, my bathroom smells like pee because my son thinks everything is target aim practice for his peepee, you’ll probably step on a toy, and my snack cabinet is poppin. And I prob have 2-3 day old dishes in my sink🤷🏽‍♀️. But, we are all happy in this house!

I’m off to watch Moana and dance all over my bedroom with the kids. Tootles!


The Blues…

As I walk into 2018, single, I’m questioning myself. Once again, I’m coming out of a relationship where I put too much in, and he didn’t put out enough. And I honestly cannot figure out why I keep having this same issue. Especially because in the beginning of this last one, he put in 100% more effort than what I did from the start. Somewhere, somehow, the tables turned. And I stayed, believing that they would turn back. But, I was wrong….

One thing that I definitely believe to be true is that being with me requires way more work than men are willing to put in. What exactly does that mean? Did you read my perfectionist blog? Once I reach a level of whatever it is I am going after, I want the next best thing. This doesn’t exclude my relationships. There should always be a goal to reach. We date, we become serious, we put a title on it, we fall in love, get married, move in, have kids, build businesses, accumulate wealth, etc. Maybe not exactly in that order, but you get the point. I feel like my ex got to the “fall in Love” stage and just quit. He was content with staying right there, and I was ready to move forward. I think most men are like that. Once they KNOW their woman is crazy about them, it’s like they think they don’t have to put in as much (or any) effort anymore. Sir- I still want to smile, I still want my heart to skip a beat when you call me, I still want to daydream about you while I’m at work. I don’t want to argue. All of my exes did that; once they got to a point where it became a requirement that they put in additional work to maintain our relationship, they just stopped. And it’s funny, because if I (the female) decided to stop putting in effort to make the relationship work, then I’m cheating, I’m seeing someone else, I don’t love you anymore. Any situation in which 2 people are involved requires a 2-pronged effort my man. That’s just the way it goes.

I definitely think that I am to blame for yet another failed relationship. I didn’t listen. I wanted what I wanted and I forced him to want the same. I can admit that. But, I can also place blame on him. Because if you know that something isn’t for you, walk away. If you know that your woman needs certain things, provide. If your woman keeps complaining about the same thing over and over again, do something about it. Because once we STOP complaining, you probably don’t have a woman anymore. As a female (being completely transparent here) no matter how strong, resilient, tough, nonchalant, or indifferent you are, break ups still rip a piece out of your heart, even if only a small part. It still causes you to have a small twinge of insecurity. It still leaves you feeling just a little bit empty. And those are the pieces that you have to pick up and put back together. Whether big or small, whether lasting 1 day or several months, it’s still there. I went to sleep on January 1, 2018 feeling alone and empty, even though I had a house full of people. But, se la vie (this is life).

I’m off, to figure out how to start putting my pieces back together. Tootles!