One of the greatest mistakes that my generation is currently making is going into a marriage with the option of divorce. That’s kind of like having one foot out of the door already. Why get married if your first option is to get a divorce?
Before I get started, let me start off with saying that I do not condone violence of any kind in a relationship, or any form of abuse (and continuously cheating on someone is a form of abuse). With that being said…. Running away from someone should not be THE answer to marital issues. People get into arguments, people fight, people disagree. Those are not reason to leave someone. Being completely transparent, I was a runner. When things got rough, when things didn’t go the way that I wanted them to, when things moved at a different pace then what I expected, I ran. I left the person that I was dating, and I “moved on”. Until I met my ex. He was the one person that I fought very hard to ensure that we stayed together. I left my “runaway girlfriend” mentality behind and fought for longevity. Things just didn’t work out. But I fought. In this generation, many people do not want to fight. Counseling and therapy is “for white people”. Sticking around with someone you love when they aren’t showing that they love you back is considered “being desperate”. I do not understand that logic in a marriage. When you said the vows, you said “til death do us part”. Divorce isn’t death.
There are many reasons why a marriage can fail. BUT! Dating someone for a while before you make that committment will help to maybe weed out certain characteristic traits that you may not be able to deal with. Living with someone before marriage is another option. And let’s be clear- sometimes people change over time, and circumstances that happen can change people as well. But if the person whom you are the closest to you bails on you, what are you left with? Your husband/wife is supposed to be the closest person to you. Closer than your friends, your parents, your children. Your mate should be your best friend. You fight with your best friend, you argue, you have disagreements, and you are still best friends. So why would your life partner be any different? When I get married, DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION!!! (I hope my boyfriend is reading this). When I get married, it’s because I know that the person I made that committment to will be there for me through good and bad, ups and downs, and he knows that walking away isn’t an option. You know if your mate is abusive before marriage. You know if your mate is a cheater before marriage. You SHOULD know if your mate mishandles finances before marriage. You should date someone long enough to know how they handle conflicts, difficult situations, and how they deal with children (regardless if you have any because if you want them your mate should be a good help). And you shouldn’t marry someone within a few months of meeting them. THAT’S WHAT DATING IS FOR! We all have bad habits; if you can’t love someone despite their bad habits, you shouldn’t be with them. People are more likely to keep a toxic friendship than fight for a salvageable marriage.
I don’t mind dating someone for a few years. I need to be extremely comfortable with your role and position in not only my life, but my children’s lives as well. We are a unit, and they come right along with me. Can you deal with them being spoiled and loving attention? Can you deal with random late night bad dreams that result in hysterical crying for 30 minutes or more? Can you deal with a messy house? Because let’s face it- working 40 hours a week, going to school, and dealing with 2 toddlers, who really has time to keep their house clean? Can you deal with fighting with my kids to get my attention? Dating a single parent is tough, but we are definitely worth it. If you choose this life, divorce is not an option boo (emoji kissy face).
See you soon!