The TRUTH About Parenting!

When I was younger, I thought that being a parent was one of the most respected and worthwhile things to do/be. I wanted to be a mom so bad, and when the doctors told me that I may not be able to it crushed me. So finding out months later that I was pregnant changed my life. I’m just not convinced if it was for the better… Lol!

There are a lot of things that no one told me about being a parent. Being that I am a very generous person, I decided to dedicate this blog post to the facts of parenthood, from the views of a single mom.

  1. First and foremost, say good-bye to sleeping. Period. The minute you become pregnant, your sleep life becomes almost non-existent. Especially if the fetus likes to sleep during the day and stay awake at night. The bigger your stomach gets, the more difficult it is to get comfortable in the bed. A sleeping pillow is helpful, but that depends on the size of your stomach. The bigger the stomach, the less you sleep.
  2. You pee on yourself when you’re pregnant. If you sneeze, you pee. If you laugh, you pee. If you cough, you pee. If you burp, you pee. And the bigger the baby gets, the harder it is to hold your bladder to make it to the bathroom. I’ve pee’d on myself more times than I’d like to admit.
  3. IF you’re lucky, you don’t get nausea. I wasn’t so lucky. I was nauseous for the first 5 months of my first pregnancy. I literally couldn’t see, smell, think about, or hear about food or I would throw up. And I have absolutely no clue why they call it morning sickness because it lasts all day long. The only time I wasn’t throwing up was when I was trying to sleep. I lost so much weight that my doctor was scared and put me on anti-nausea medication.
  4. Heartburn. Acid reflux. Whatever you want to call it, it is BAD! The bigger the baby grows, and the more hair your baby gets, the worse your heartburn is. Tums and milk are the only things that are safe to use because antacids can harm the baby. Needless to say, after I got over my nausea, my loving ex went to the store and bought me a vanilla milk shake EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. God bless his heart.
  5. Contractions. Imagine cramps, times 100,000! Well, for me they were that bad because I don’t get my period so I don’t get cramps. I literally felt like my uterus was trying to fall out of my vagina. I couldn’t even walk- my kids’ dad had to half drag/half carry me to the car when it was time to go to the hospital. By then, my stomach was huge and I was a tad bit on the heavy side. I’m sure he struggled a bit. And then the epidural. I do not care what anyone says- that stupid thing has given me a lifetime of back problems. And I had 2! Smh. But, I will admit that with my 2nd pregnancy my contractions weren’t that bad. I was able to walk this time, so…
  6. Private time; I’m not sure that I know what that is anymore… Do you have a pet? Does it literally follow you around every part of the house? Well, that’s what kids do. *Disclaimer- I have toddlers. I have absolutely no clue what older kids do, but I’m hoping that it gets better as they get older (emoji insert)* The ONLY time I get to myself (when they’re home) is when they’re sleeping. I can’t eat, poop, shower, talk on the phone, take a nap, cook, read a book- ANYTHING!!!! without one of them being next to me. It’s mostly my son, although my daughter has moments of wanting to be up under me too. Once, I turned on every tv in the house, gave them snacks, their tablets, and all of their toys and hid in my room. I was only able to have 3 minutes and 28 seconds to myself before my son came looking for me. He just wanted to say hi…. (side eye)
  7. Wasted food. I cannot tell you how much food and money I have wasted on my kids. They’ll ask for something, you make it, then they decided they don’t want it anymore. Typical day- me: Bell, what do you want for breakfast? Bella: I want noodles mommy. Me: fats, you want noodles too? Jake: yea mommy, noodles! I make noodles for breakfast. They both come downstairs. Bell: ewww! I don’t like noodles mommy, I don’t want it! Jake: yucky mommy, no noodles! Me: you guys asked for noodles, so I made noodles. Bell: I’m not gonna eat it mom! I want cereal. They literally won’t eat it. I fought with them for 10 whole minutes before I finally just gave them cereal. And my noodles went into the trash.
  8. A messy house. Between my son and my daughter, I’m sure on of them hates me- I just can’t figure out which one. I will clean the whole house on Saturday and Sunday. They get home Sunday night, I’m in the kitchen cooking dinner. About 10 minutes later, I check on them in the living room and a tornado hit it. I ask them who did it, and they both say “it wasn’t me!” I don’t think I’m a mom anymore, I think I’m a nanny and I just don’t know it. I clean more than I do anything else.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love being a mom. Many of the happiest moments in my life have to do with my children. I love waking up to them, rolling over and seeing them blink their eyes and smiling at me first thing in the am. How they run to me when I show up to their school after work. Their smiles, giggles, songs, dances- they make my life amazing. I just wish I knew about all of the “other” sides of being a mom. So, I will dedicate at least 1 more (maybe 2) posts on the woes of being a mom. Well, a single mom, because there is a HUGE difference when you don’t have any help.

Tootles! -xoxo

I Think My Mom Is My Muse…

I think one of the toughest parts of growing up and being an adult is figuring out who you are, and what you want to do. Actually taking the time and doing some self inventory and knowing what you want. I’m almost 3 decades in and I’m still trying to figure it out…

When I graduated high school, I wanted to be just like my mom. Work with people who needed care, in the home health aide industry, and/or working with kids. Went to school and majored in Social Work because I just knew that this was the field that I was meant to be in. Then I got into a fender bender and became partially paralyzed. That’s when my life became interesting.

I left the dirty south moved back north. Finished up and got my Associates degree in Social Work. By this time, I met my children’s father and he was working as a daycare director. So I started contracting as a PCA and  TSS worker. I actually loved it, but I knew that it wasn’t for me. I couldn’t beat those kids. That in and of itself vexed me enough to get out of that line of work. *Between you and me, these white people need to beat their kids. I wish my daughter would tell me to shut up and get out of her face. When she stomps her feet and I give her that look, she runs into the other room screaming “I’m sorry mommy, please!!” Why are white people afraid of their own children?* (insert emoji with eyes rolled up)

I became pregnant with my daughter and had a ton of complications. I should’ve known just by that alone that she didn’t like me very much. Before she even came out the womb she was kicking my ass, but the minute she heard her father’s voice she would do backflips. This little thing would sit on my lungs, reject everything I ate for the first 5 months, caused me to have mini panic attacks at least twice daily… The list went on. I eventually had to stop working because I kept having to call out of work. So I became a stay at home mom. That is very BORING!!!! Especially when the child is a newborn and doesn’t do anything. So, me being at home didn’t last very long. Went back to PCA contracted work, but by then I was over it. I got pregnant again (I was a fast little thing wasn’t I?) and my mom asked me to come work for her. At first I was super reluctant, but I did it anyways. I ended up loving it.

I did marketing and PR for her non-profit. I always thought that I was this super shy person who no one liked or wanted to talk to. Boy, was I wrong! I excelled in this profession more than I thought that I would- I was great at networking, great at talking to and connecting with people, great at public relations. I was just great. And it made me re-evaluate my line of work.

A few years later, my mom (again) encouraged me to look into grant writing. I was on the computer all day anyways doing research to see who and how I could market to, so I figured why not. And again, I loved it. (I’m starting to think that my mom knows me better than I know myself!!) Took a few courses, and boom-started writing grants. I was a little shaky at first, but I got the hang of it quickly. Even turned it into a business. It might be slow at times, but it is definitely lucrative. Thanks mom!

And now I have ventured into a new line of work. I went to a seminar with my mom (her again) and I fell in love all over again with working with kids; just at a different level. Creating development curriculums to help youth and young adults develop skills necessary to becoming successful adults. I will be going back to school for Social Work and getting my license, and becoming a Youth Development Consultant. All with the guidance of my momma.

I say all of this to say that you may never know what you want to be (professionally and sometimes personally) until you go through life. Try different things. And listen to your mom (but only if she has your best interest at heart). My mom was with me every step of the way, and she saw things in me that I didn’t see in myself. She’s awesome, and NO I will not share her. Get your own. Thanks.

Anywho, I’m off to venture into a new project. Tootles!

-xoxo

God, I Can’t Hear You….

*This post is going to be a spiritual one. If you do not believe in God, skip right along and read my previous posts. Thanks*

As I am nearing the end of my 20’s (like, I’m literally staring at the door), I’m still struggling with the same thing I’ve been struggling with these last 5 years. How to determine if this little tiny voice in my head and this little tiny tug at my heart is indeed GOD, or just me convincing myself that it’s Him. I have come such a looooooong way- from not trusting God to do anything for me, to trusting him to do everything EXCEPT!!!!!!! guide my love life. Hey- at least I’m honest. See, my issue isn’t that I don’t think that God will send someone to me, I am SCARED of the person He’s going to send. What if he doesn’t look like my ideal mate, or what if he doesn’t make the amount of money that I am looking for? What if he’s the complete OPPOSITE of my expectations? That’s just too much pressure to take GOD!

How am I supposed to tell if that little tug at my heart isn’t God telling me not to give up, or me telling myself that it’s God talking to me? Do you see my dilemma here?! I pray daily, read my scriptures, listen to Christian music all day, and sometimes I still can’t tell if it’s him or not.  And if any of you are like me, you go through waves in your relationship with Christ. Sometimes my waves are deep and I know exactly when it’s him because that little voice is distinctive. And sometimes I can’t tell if it’s Him or my son whispering in my ear that he’s hungry. Lol. Yea- it gets that bad (emoji face, eyes up). That’s life- I’m either super connected or trying to figure out when the heck did I lose the connection.

Lately, I’ve been going through a lot. To the point that I do not feel like adulting (yup- I’m using that word!), parenting, working, eating, breathing- anything that you can put an “ing” on, I don’t feel like doing. And I cannot figure out why I am in such a rut. I get over one situation, and another one pops up. I deal with one person, and 2 more have a conflict. I get my son potty trained, now he won’t eat properly. He used to be my fat daddy. Now he’s more like a q-tip; really skinny with a big head. Lmao! I just don’t get it.

I can only speak for myself, but whenever I’m going through something spiritually, everything in my life is upside down. The sad part about this is that I didn’t make that correlation until I wrote it into the blog just now. Everyone goes through struggles in life- it’s inevitable. But a series of unfortunate events, back to back to back (I’m talking the last 4 months and counting!) has left me barely afloat in my prayer life, and super BARELY making it in the natural. The last time I felt this broken God was trying to get my attention. This time I recognize that He is, but I can’t hear Him talking to me. I’m a virgo (I’m just gonna assume that this is relevant, please bear with me), and from what I’ve read, we are over-thinkers and over-achievers. This depicts my personality to the T. So, I think that my brain just won’t shut the hell up long enough for me to hear God talking to me. And it’s reeeeeeaaaaaallllllllllllllllllyyyyy hard for me to shut my brain off (it takes me close to 45 minutes just to fall asleep!). So imagine how hard this is for me…

But then God always gives us confirmation- even when we haven’t asked him for it. A random conversation with a friend, a song that plays on the radio, a quiet thought that passes through your mind…. Even if you’re like me and you feel like you’re struggling to hear God talk to you, He reminds you that He’s listening. I know that He hears me, I just want to hear Him. Maybe I’m just expecting to hear Him in a way that He isn’t willing to talk to me in. I have this horrible issue of expecting certain things from people and God, and when I don’t get it that way I have a hissy fit. No, seriously- my boyfriend and my children’s father can attest to this (emoji eyes rolled up). I’m working on it.

Long story short, I want to hear God’s voice. If you’re talking to him today, tell him that I said that He needs to speak a little louder please. Thanks.

Tootles! -xoxo

Small Thing, BIG Meaning!

Recently, there have been a lot of discussions between my friends and I on the topic of marriage and relationships. Someone is always going through something (including myself), and we always need sound advice to help us be rational in how we deal with our significant other. I’ll be the first to admit- I should probably listen more to my friends. I would more than likely avoid a lot of self-induced issues within in my relationship. Lol.

Something small happened last weekend that made me thing about how I handled my relationship. My girlfriend came over to hang out with me and my munchkins, and she left her phone on the bed. We have the exact same phone; but when I looked at her phone I couldn’t help but ask myself why her phone appeared bigger than mine. To the point that I picked her phone up and placed it on top of mine to determine whose phone was bigger. I could not fathom why it was that her phone appeared to be bigger than mine. I put the phone down and kept doing what I was doing.

A few days later, the phone incident went through my mind as I was preparing to call my boyfriend and fuss at him about something. Why that little phone crossed my mind at the precise time, I do not know, but it halted me. I literally sat and thought about how in my mind, her phone appeared to be bigger and better than mine to the point that I had to pick it up to investigate. It wasn’t until after the investigation did I realize that the difference was in my mind. So then I thought about what I was calling my boyfriend to fuss at him about. It made me question if the issue was just in my mind, or if it was actually a valid issue. After mulling it over for a while, I decided that I was making a big deal about nothing and that I needed to let it go. Needless to say, I still called him to fuss. I was bored, and he can handle it. Lol.

This incident made me think- how many times do we allow our perception of things be distorted by what we want, or what we think is better? We always have an ideology of what is good, better, worth it, or important. These things that we intentionally embed into our brain makes us believe that anything else isn’t good enough. We kill any chance we have of finding someone amazing or pass up great opportunities because we believe that it isn’t good enough to lead us to where we want to go or what we want to have. The phone incident reminds me of the saying “the grass isn’t always greener on the other side”. I want my grass to be green, so I’m going to water it! Maybe I’ll pay someone to water it for me, it’s been hot the last couple of days.

“A wise man seeks the council of others, a fool relies on his own thoughts”. Be wise today- don’t let small things turn into big issues!